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Oct 21, 01

After my most recent thought process, I have come to the conclusion that even clergy are accountable for the terror in our lives. We do not realize it, but those with power use it against us. I know longer trust those around me, or those who claim they will not harm me. This wound is too deep. I no longer have respect for elders. Even though they claim they know what is best, truthfully not always. I can no longer trust a human being, or a non-human for that mere factor any time soon. I feel the need to severe myself from society for the time being, to find myself. As I look around me, I see the corruption, hatrid, and self-deception of everyone. For the past few years I thought I had found my place in the world, but I have not, and to finish off this journay entry I'm going to leave you all with a few lyrics to better understand my mood tonight.

" i'm more that a bird

i'm more than a plane

more than some pretty face beside a train

and it's not easy

to be me

wish that i could fly

fall upon my knees

find a way to lie

'bout a home i'll never see,"

Five for Fighting, Superman

"It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there,

It's hard to believe that I'm all alone,

At least I have her love,

the city she loves me Lonely as I am, together we cry,"

Chili Peppers, Under the Bridge

"Every whisperOf every waking hour,

I'mChoosing my confessions,

Trying to keep an eye on you,

Like a hurt lost and blinded fool,"

REM, Losing My Religion

"That's me in the corner,

That's me in the spotlight,

Losing my religion,

Trying to keep up with you,

And I don't know if I can do it,"

REM, Losing My Religion

Nov 03, 01

I have had enough of hiding behind this mask. I know what I am. I know who I am, and what the future has in store ahead of them. But why I continue to suffer in my own tormented mind I fear I may never know. I see the future, I base my actions upon it. Yet I still remain the same in rakning as always. I guess it's the down fall of being a Crutha. Watching the outside world through the clouds only helps to pass the time. Watching others suffer is amusing to an extent, but the rest is nothing but pain on the soul. Why I chose this path don't ask me. I'm still tryn to figure that one out on my own. As I look around me I see how badly the world is being beatn. Never to see the light of day again I fear, and if I do that light is extremely dim. Only lyrics that explain me tonight is from the Lost Boys, and if you know what a Crutha is you know why.

"Last fire will rise,

Behind those eyes,

Black house will rock,

Blind boys don't lie,

Immortal fear,

That voice so clear,

Through broken walls,

That scream I hear.

Temptation beats like a drum,

deep in your veins I will not lie.

My shine will lack,

I can't forget,

Why you were mine,

I need you now."

Sisters of Mercy, Cry Little Sister


	Shadow's Mist \| home Diary \| About Me \| Favorite Links \| Contact Me \| My Poetry \| Etchings Upon the Wall \| Beliefs \| My Ramblings \| Pictures \| Lyrics Diary Oct 21, 01 After my most recent thought process, I have come to the conclusion that even clergy are accountable for the terror in our lives. We do not realize it, but those with power use it against us. I know longer trust those around me, or those who claim they will not harm me. This wound is too deep. I no longer have respect for elders. Even though they claim they know what is best, truthfully not always. I can no longer trust a human being, or a non-human for that mere factor any time soon. I feel the need to severe myself from society for the time being, to find myself. As I look around me, I see the corruption, hatrid, and self-deception of everyone. For the past few years I thought I had found my place in the world, but I have not, and to finish off this journay entry I'm going to leave you all with a few lyrics to better understand my mood tonight. " i'm more that a bird i'm more than a plane more than some pretty face beside a train and it's not easy to be me wish that i could fly fall upon my knees find a way to lie 'bout a home i'll never see," Five for Fighting, Superman "It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there, It's hard to believe that I'm all alone, At least I have her love, the city she loves me Lonely as I am, together we cry," Chili Peppers, Under the Bridge "Every whisperOf every waking hour, I'mChoosing my confessions, Trying to keep an eye on you, Like a hurt lost and blinded fool," REM, Losing My Religion "That's me in the corner, That's me in the spotlight, Losing my religion, Trying to keep up with you, And I don't know if I can do it," REM, Losing My Religion Nov 03, 01 I have had enough of hiding behind this mask. I know what I am. I know who I am, and what the future has in store ahead of them. But why I continue to suffer in my own tormented mind I fear I may never know. I see the future, I base my actions upon it. Yet I still remain the same in rakning as always. I guess it's the down fall of being a Crutha. Watching the outside world through the clouds only helps to pass the time. Watching others suffer is amusing to an extent, but the rest is nothing but pain on the soul. Why I chose this path don't ask me. I'm still tryn to figure that one out on my own. As I look around me I see how badly the world is being beatn. Never to see the light of day again I fear, and if I do that light is extremely dim. Only lyrics that explain me tonight is from the Lost Boys, and if you know what a Crutha is you know why. "Last fire will rise, Behind those eyes, Black house will rock, Blind boys don't lie, Immortal fear, That voice so clear, Through broken walls, That scream I hear. Temptation beats like a drum, deep in your veins I will not lie. My shine will lack, I can't forget, Why you were mine, I need you now." Sisters of Mercy, Cry Little Sister